cat saturday

A little different cat Saturday...instead of posting a photo of a cat, I'd like to introduce you to a relatively new tumblr blog curated by my niece. It's called Mew Mew and it is dedicated solely to cats. My niece is incredibly artistic, creative, and has an unique outlook on the world. The tumblr is a reflection of who she is. Check it out. It's purrfect...

Cindy (my niece) with her kitty bike at Burning Man

around my mother's house

Happy Mother's Day to my beautiful, sweet Mother and to all mothers.

horse crazy

My sister is nine years older than I am. She was my idol. In many ways, she had more influence over me than our mother did. We shared a bedroom and a bed. Everything she loved, I loved - art and horses, especially. Unfortunately, in our family there was room for only one of each kind of child. My brother was the mechanical genius and recluse. My sister was horse-crazy and a natural born artist - the popular one. I was the "baby" - specifically the "cry baby." But that is all another story...

I was a lonely and constantly alone child. I relied on books and my imagination for company and pleasure. One of my favorite pasttimes was playing with my sister's Breyer horses. My favorite was the rearing appaloosa. I had one horse - a little white pony. I still have her. Sadly, White Fluffy Love knocked her off the windowsill and broke her leg. Luckily, she's not real and her leg can be mended with glue. She will be with me for the rest of my life.

While browsing a new-to-me blog - Live and Enliven - I came across a link to a beautiful etsy shop that sells vintage goods. Look what I found...

 ethanollie

Alas, my wallet will not allow me to indulge my nostalgic heart.

Below is a photo of my precious childhood friend. Notice any similarity with the prone pony above???

Rain Pony

archival beauty

I've been diligently (read: left till last minute) working on my mother's birthday present. Her birthday falls on Easter Sunday this year - a few days from now. I have little money. She's at the point in her life where she wants nothing - especially if it needs to be dusted. Her granddaughter, my little J, is the love of her life. The only thing my mother ever asks for is photos of J. This year is a "0" birthday. To make the collection extra special, J and I have painted some small pictures and written notes saying why and how much we love Mom/Grandma to include with the photos. As I've been going through the archives and printing photos, I came across this one - taken only a month ago...

My love...

naturally

Few delights can equal the mere presence

of one whom we trust utterly.

George MacDonald

Cindy, photos taken October 2010

My most precious niece, Cindy, has been visiting these past few days. She came to visit even though I was sick and it was raining. We hung out on the sofa, watching crime shows - NCIS, Criminal Minds, Law & Order: Criminal Intent - during the day and Adult Swim and Futurama at night. We were a little more active when J was around, but not much. We talked and laughed and cried. Mostly we were just together.

We have a very special bond. One truly of unconditional love. There is nothing she could say or do and I would love her less. And the same goes for me. Thus, there is never any reason to pretend things are okay when they're not or not to revel in the joy when things are going well. I wish I could say for us, it is more often the latter, but sadly that's not the case.

She left this morning. I'm alone again.

I remember as a child, teen, and in my twenties, lying balled up on the floor sobbing and asking my mother, "Why am I always alone? Why doesn't anyone like me?" My mother would answer, "It's going to be okay. Someday you'll grow into yourself and things will be different." I believed her. It still makes me a little angry. It wasn't said with any basis of conviction but only to make me feel hope. Futile hope. Sometimes I still ask her those questions. Now she answers, "Oh, I don't know why. You're such a loving person, but some people are alone and always will be. I guess you're just one of them." At least, she's honest now. I really could use a little of that hope. I am so blessed to have my precious daughter, my beloved furry friends, my mother, and my niece. I am grateful. Truly. My daughter and cats, I care for. My mother, I protect. My niece has her own life. At the end of the day, it is always just me - with no one to talk to, no one to listen to, and no one to lean on. Just me. And I'm not enough.

the world

The world of Raley's - that is...
On the way home today from a picnic-at-the-playground excursion, J, Grandma, and I stopped to pick up cat litter - litter is not something we ever want to run low on at our house. Happened to walk down the cosmetics aisle on the way to check out and noticed the world captured by Maybelline - with shimmer, no less.

Tired of waiting for me to snap photos with my iPhone, J decided to try out some fashion accessories.

And more...a family photo...

yummmmm

My brother is much older than me. His birthday is on Christmas day. He has always felt cheated. An engineer with Agilent, he is an incredibly smart man. He's also a teddy bear of a brother. Smart, successful, talented - he is impossible to buy presents for. The family has always suffered at Christmas - not only having to come up with a Christmas gift but also a birthday gift for the "impossible to buy presents for" guy. Thankfully, we stopped exchanging Christmas gifts a few years ago. His birthday still rains terror into our hearts. Luckily, he and I hit on the perfect solution for each other. He loves my chocolate chip cookies. It is our mother's recipe that she found off either a Nestle's bag or Crisco can many, many years ago. So, every year on Christmas eve, I bake a batch of cookies for his birthday. I even hold out a half cup or so of dough - his favorite part! Perfect...

Mom's Chocolate Chip Cookies

1 cup shortening

1 cup brown sugar

1/2 cup white sugar

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

2 eggs

3 cups flour

1 teaspoon baking soda

1 teaspoon salt

12 oz semi-sweet chocolate chips

1 cup walnuts (optional)

Cream together shortening and sugars and vanilla. Beat in eggs. Sift flour, baking soda, and salt, and add to mixture. Add chocolate chips and walnuts (optional). Drop by teaspoon on cookie sheet.

Bake at 350 degrees for 10 minutes or until slightly golden on top.

Makes around 3-4 dozen cookies. Less if you eat the raw dough!

For all you purists, I know it will be difficult, but do not substitute butter for the shortening. We have tried it. It's a completely different cookie. The shortening makes it.

Important tips:

Use shortening. Go heavy on the flour. Organic or pure vanilla extract makes a huge difference. Eggs should be room temperature. If you like more dough than chocolate, go light on the chips.

Enjoy!

Happy Birthday, Mikey!

Tree Traditions

Every year on the day after Thanksgiving, J's father's family travel to their mountain property to cut Christmas trees. Each year I have gone with them, even if we couldn't make it to the property, we made it near enough to get trees. Not this year. The snow level is so low, we could only make 3 of the 13 miles beyond the small town of Stirling City to the property. So we parked near the creek, played in the snow, and had a picnic of sandwiches made of leftover Thanksgiving turkey. Then we turned around and headed back to Stirling City where we bought trees from the fire department tree lot. Bought trees for the first time in years. A new tradition?