rambling

This was me earlier tonight. Don't quite know what is wrong with me today. I got a knife in the heart the evening before last and spent the entire night crying and wandering around this little house I love so much that I thought I was going to lose. Some of that situation has been resolved, but I still don't feel quite right - like my chakras are blown out. I slept for 11 hours last night, was up for a few, then took a nap that ended up lasting 6 hours. Would have been longer but a friend kept incessantly calling and finally woke me up. Thank you, friend. Tonight, I've tried to work, but can't concentrate. Actually watched tv. Well, that only lasted an hour. Then back to the computer. There is a perfect Portuguese word for how I'm feeling. I've tried looking it up online to no avail and my mother is long since asleep so I can't call and ask her how to spell it.

I am feeling very disappointed in quite a few people - mostly for not following through on their words. Then, of course, I have to admit to myself that to feel disappointed I had to make a judgment - my greatest fault, being judgmental. I try so hard to let it all wash through me. It is a constant struggle. Of course, when I really look at it, I have to also admit that the very actions I am disappointed in others for are ones I practice way to often. How many times have I said I would call and didn't, write and didn't, keep in touch and didn't, promised to remain friends forever and didn't. It always comes back.

Tomorrow is pajama and pancakes day at J's kindergarten. They learn a different letter each week. This is "P" week! I will be there in pajamas, helping out, and taking photos. I really do love my little life. I wish I didn't forget that so often.