Friday, February 4, 2011

letting go

There's been a man on the island for a while now. He followed me back from the mainland one day. He made it by sheer will and stayed the same way. I kept him to the beach - trying to learn from past mistakes - kept him from J and our inner sanctum. He built a fortress on the sand, promising to protect J and I from all harm. A war hero, he presented himself as honorable, respectful, and kind-hearted. I enjoyed his company - a lot. Began to believe in him. Went to the beach to meet him a few evenings ago...he was gone. I was worried. He didn't seem like the type of man to disappear in the night without a word. After three days, I found a way to contact him. He gave me a sad story about being adrift and lost and that he was trying to find his way back. Uh huh.

I don't believe him. It doesn't ring true. And even if it is true, there is no way I will let a man who is unreliable and randomly unavailable emotionally anywhere near my daughter. She already has a father like that.

I don't believe him. I don't believe in him. Yet, I miss him. And worse, I still hope.

The fortress he built still stands. I am seriously considering taking it apart piece by piece and having a huge bonfire on the beach.

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