Sunday, February 13, 2011

ashes to ashes

Everyone in the area - very agricultural - is burning this weekend. The air is hazy and heavy. Although the weather is gorgeous - sunny, warm, with a light breeze. I decided to join in with a daytime burn of my own. Tried writing a letter to burn last night and this morning, but was just too weak from this cold-thing I have to hold the pen. While transfering laundry from the washer to the dryer - when you're a mom it doesn't matter how you're feeling, the chores still have to be done - I was shaking out the clothes so they wouldn't get too wrinkled, like T had taught me. The anger came back. It's been two weeks of silence - nothing from him, doesn't answer when I call, doesn't call back, no response to e-mails. It's not like I'm stalking him or leaving sad sack messages. I just would like to hear from him that he's okay and what exactly is going on. It does not settle with me to be told how much he cares for me and then two hours later be cut out of his life. "Sweetheart, I'll call you back in fifteen minutes...." If nothing else, it is extremely disrespectful to leave anyone hanging. Doesn't matter. I wrote my letter. One of letting go and release. No more. Burn.

 Let go. Let go. Let go.
Release. Release. Release.

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