release

I don't know why I haven't been doing this all my life. It's not like no one has ever told me about it. I just always figured I knew what would work best for me. Hah! After bb left the island the first time and I was curled up in a ball on the floor crying my eyes out in grief, I had a session with my friend and energy healer, Joyce. A beautiful and amazing and magical woman. She finally convinced me to write a letter and burn it. Release. Release. Release. Desperate for any solution which would help bring me back to center, I went home and wrote and wrote and wrote out all my sorrow and grief and disappointment. Then I burned the letter. I had more trouble getting that letter to burn. I think I lost the power of the release in the frustration of getting it to burn! But finally it did burn to ashes. I little bit later I realized I felt better. Not great, but better. Then I started to feel angry - really, really angry. So I wrote another letter. Over the course of the next couple of weeks I wrote at least one letter a day. Most to bb, but not all. It is amazing how cathargic the process and ceremony is.

Tonight I wrote another letter to bb - this time when he left the island he not only took my heart, but also my self-respect. Probably won't be my last letter to him. I was going to write a blog post instead of the letter and then thought better of it. I didn't need to release all that bile and fear and sadness into the world. I began the letter in anger which turned into tears and ended in laughter. For the gift rained down on me and into my heart: we are old friends from many lifetimes and this is just one more twist in the journey. All's well - if I can hold onto the gift!

Graycee and I went outside in the rain and found my burning bowl. Brought it up to the porch and performed the ritual. There is something extra-powerful and special about having a cat weaving around your legs, adding his love and wisdom and strength. It wasn't until I was back inside the warm house that I realized that the matches I always use for the ritual are housed in a tin with the word LOVE engraved in it. How appropriate is that!!!