where oh where

...have I been? Under the weather - way, way under the weather. Stomach flu - since Wednesday - really bad. Beginning to recover, but slowly. Be back as soon as I can...

the matador

The latest stop on Avenue 9 Gallery's Paint Out was the iconic Matador Motel. An old Spanish-style motel with arches and lots of tile, the Matador has seen better days. Some of us have dreams of turning it into artist studios. Ah, to dream...

My favorite photo...a resident and her pet...

around my mother's house

Happy Mother's Day to my beautiful, sweet Mother and to all mothers.

parade day

Today was our little town's annual big event - Durham's Parade and Picnic Day. The day started with a pancake breakfast hosted by the local Grange. An old-fashioned country parade was the highlight, followed by a town picnic at the local park. The day ended with the public pool opening for the season with a free swim. We participated in all the events of the day...one very looooong, but delightful day.

foto friday

I love my photographs. Not in an egotistical way. Every photo has touched my soul in some way. When I began sharing my photos with others, my main idea was to do just that - share them. Whenever I list a photo on Etsy, or do a show, or post them on the blog, or show them in any way, my silent prayer is that the people who need to see the photo, do. Going back to the root goal of my photography, I've decided to make Fridays a sharing day. I will provide a different photo each Friday that you can download and print for your personal use. The photo is in pdf form. You will need Adobe Reader to open the file. You can download Reader for free here. I'm new to this downloading stuff and am using dropbox to facilitate the transfer. If you have any problems downloading the photo, please let me know.

Rose Nose 5x7

download

identity

Whenever I send an Etsy order - either brownrose or barbierose - I like to include a little something. When my printer worked, I sometimes included greeting cards or ACEOs - depending on the size of the order. My printer no longer works and I now outsource the printing of my photos. I've been trying to figure out something to include that isn't cost prohibitive, time prohibitive, includes a photo and information, but not a regular business card. While driving to the Bay Area and back today - a six hour drive for me - I thought of the idea of a postcard size business card. By the time I returned home, I had the idea completely worked out in my head. I can print them myself on my 4x6 printer and I can change the images as I like. Here's my first draft, so to speak...

little miss j

The other day I mentioned J wasn't feeling well. I took her to see the doctor this morning and it turns out she has a little pneumonia in both lungs. One lung is partially collapsed due to the amount of mucous. She's usually such a dynamic child. Right now she seems so little. Of course, at one point this afternoon, when she didn't have a high fever or tummy ache and wasn't coughing, she put on short shorts and a little tee, pulled on my high heeled boots and started strutting around the house like a model. She was so grown up. I kept thinking, "Where did she learn to move like that?" and "Please, stay my little girl. I'm not ready for you to be grown up!" Ahhh, motherhood....ups and downs...joys and worries...the best adventure of my life.

J, taken last Thursday during her class's field trip

yay!!!

Bravo to President Obama for taking a stand on an issue that seems self-evident to me. I await the day when all are treated with equal respect, dignity, and rights. Hope at least the issue of same-sex marriage is settled within my lifetime.

learning to love

All the children who are held and loved...

will know how to love others.

Spread these virtues in the world.

Nothing more need be done.

Meng Zi, c. 300 BCE

monday madness or things I'm afraid to tell you

There’s a revolution happening in the blog world. Many are feeling frustration between reality and “reality” as presented on blogs. People are tired of hearing about perfect lives, seeing perfect homes, and feeling bad about their own. After reading an article by Jess Constable, Ez at Creature Comforts, along with other bloggers, has created the challenge to share “Things I’m Afraid to Tell You.”

I’ve struggled with how open about myself to be on this blog. The early posts were raw and real. I want to live honestly. I’ve stopped sharing the nitty gritty, though, figuring who cares? Now, more often than not on the blog, I focus on beauty and gratitude, because that is how I live my life – always looking for the beauty and the gift. While that is true for my life, the flip side is not pretty or easy.

I can share my art. I can share stories of my daughter. I can share stories of the animals. I can share what touches my soul. I haven’t shared what touches my everyday life.

So, in honor of the bloggers who have bared their souls, I will bare my everyday life to you – and will continue to do so in bits and pieces as I find the courage.

Who am I? In the eyes of the world I am a complete and utter failure. I have never succeeded at anything. I am financially insolvent with huge debt that hangs over my head. I don’t have a “real” job. I am supported by photography work, the sale of photos and also stitchery patterns, public assistance (how I haaaate to admit that), and my extremely generous and kind mother. I am overweight – which has been causing health problems – and at an age no longer considered prime – whatever that means. Every day, to some degree, I deal with depression. Some days I am fully functional. Other days I use every bit of energy I have to mother my daughter and care for our animals. I was born depressed. It wasn’t diagnosed until my early thirties when I almost killed myself. My house is a mess. I dread the possibility of someone dropping by. Oh, and I am well on my way to being the crazy cat lady who lives down the street.

Please, don’t get me wrong. I am not an unhappy or resentful person. I am extremely grateful for everything in my life and everything I lack. I firmly believe that when we give something up, we gain something in return. I am incredibly blessed. The Universe has never failed to take care of me – through my mother, through friends, through the government, through miracles. I strive to be financially solvent and self-sufficient. I accept what I need. Humbly – and honestly, with shame. I am extremely spiritual, though not religious. I believe my journey has a purpose – though I’ve yet to discover it! I try to walk gently upon the Earth and live simply and with gratitude. In my heart, I am just who I am.

Thank you for reading this. If you’ve gotten this far, kudos to you! It is so much easier to be real than to pretend. Thank you.

cuteness overload

Linford and Christie, orphaned baby owls

full story here

via A Cup of Jo

monday cuteness

by Caroline + Ben Photography

via Style Me Pretty

saturday/caturday

Baby

hoo are you

The owls of Chico Creek Nature Center...

fever

My precious girl has a fever. She was fine during the day, but started having chills at dance class. By the time class was over, she had 102 temp. This is her night to be at her Dad's. Up till now, whenever J was sick - no matter whose night was scheduled - she stayed with me. For whatever reasons, her Dad wants her with him tonight. It feels so wrong to know my little girl is fighting a fever and I'm not with her...

in bloom

The roses in my yard are in bloom. They are all ancient. The house was built in the 1940s, so the roses are at least 50 years old. They are spread around the back yard in a really odd way - 2 here, 4 there, 1 over there. The poor things get little sun. I'm sure when they were planted they were in full sun, but now the canopies of the trees cover most of the yard. Yet the roses bloom on. Hardy little things!

Speaking of roses...our new neighbors to the right - we have new neighbors to the left, as well - have dug up all of the previous owners roses. I feel so sad. Randy really had a touch with his roses. They were magnificent. One bush had incredible blue roses. All gone now.

On the corner, at the end of the street, there is a small church. In front are four Julia Child rose bushes. The color is a creamy peach in bud to buttery yellow in bloom. The scent is sweet and spicy at the same time. Someday I'm going to have a bush of my own.

via iPhone